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Jeff's GeekBearCave on LJ

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February 12th, 2007

why do I (almost) always feel... @ 09:31 am

Mood: frustrated enlightened...
Music: BBCAmerica - cash in the attic

...like I'm getting stressed, when I call Mom to say Hi and chat? (or when we go up to visit, or when Dave and I chat about the "Mom and Aunt Lil situation(s)", ...)

My hands are freezing, my neck is warm, I feel stressed, uneasy, muscles tensing, stomach getting acidy, etc.

Mom and I just finished a pleasant, everything is going well, got out and did some things over the weekend, how are you doing, how was the weekend call - all non threatening, but I'm reacting, almost like, someone is coming to do me harm.

WTF?

I, even, sent an e-mail to a co-worker in the hope that if the call with Mom 'went long' that he would be calling me on my work line to engage me in working on an issue for our customer.

WHY DO I FEEL STRESSED?
It doesn't make any sense.

arrrgrgrh!

not... good.
not... healthy.
nope, not at all.

If my motorcycle was still road worthy, I would be checking the thermometer to see if its warm enough to go out for a ride... The MC is no longer road worthy and it's too cold, even for a short bundled up ride.
 
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Comments

 
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From:evilcreamsicle
Date:February 12th, 2007 03:00 pm (UTC)
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HUGS. Stress is evil like that - it seems that the source sometimes lurks in your subconscious so that you're not even aware of the cause. In this case, there's probably something about your mom that triggers some thoughts, memories, etc. that you're not even aware of. Do whatever it takes to concentrate on things that don't stress you out and you find enjoyable. Or just immerse yourself in work so that it forces you to concentrate on that, instead of something unsettling.

And I totally understand about wanting to get out and it stinks that the MC isn't working. When I'm overwhelmed, I'll sometimes go for a long drive with the music blaring.
[User Picture Icon]
From:geekbearjeff
Date:February 13th, 2007 01:34 pm (UTC)
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[hugs] back!

thanks.

over the next couple of days, I need to introspect and try to uncover some of what was going on. I'm pretty sure that it was only inside me, not comeing from Mom, so I should be able to find it eventually...

[hug]
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From:geekbearjeff
Date:February 13th, 2007 01:36 pm (UTC)
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interestingly, work got busy shortly after, and then I had neatly packaged up the conversation and will dig it out later to analyse.
[User Picture Icon]
From:geekbearjeff
Date:February 13th, 2007 02:05 pm (UTC)
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check out my reply to rwcubdad, below.
[User Picture Icon]
From:geekbearjeff
Date:February 13th, 2007 02:08 pm (UTC)
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I tried going out for a drive, but headed out late for lunch and then remembered that I had a 2PM conference call and got pulled into a 3PM call and a 4PM call from the 3PM that carried me to 5PM and offered to do a couple of things after hours and...

the string of conference calls is going to happen today, too. yuck.
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From:rwcubdad
Date:February 12th, 2007 04:28 pm (UTC)
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I think that is somewhat understandable. I know when I chat with my Mom, things pop up in my mind that I don't like to think about...like the whole aging process. Mom is going to turn 81 soon and you hate to think such things, but you wonder things like is this going to be the last time I talk to her, how is she really doing, Mom is 81 so that means I am getting even older. All uncomfortable concepts.
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From:geekbearjeff
Date:February 13th, 2007 01:50 pm (UTC)
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hum, popping into my mind... during the conversation w/ Mom)
we haven't visited recently,
is she going to ask that we come up?
does she have things that need to get done?
was she mentioning the isses with the bedside lamp to signal that we should come up? (second time that she brought it up in recent conversations).
how is Mom *really* doing?
how is Aunt Lil *really* doing?
how is everything *really* going?
what is she not telling me, because Aunt Lil is around?
I wonder if Mom is finding it OK to be taking care of Aunt Lil, or if its causing her harmful stress?

...older, yeah, probably a little, I guess for me it's more like when will I be doing for Mom what she'a doing for Aunt Lil and will it be both or only one of them?

Is your Mom local, can you get to visit her, or is she much farther away?

I don't recall thinking, 'is this the last time that I'll talk to her', for me it's more like...

(ah, this is one of the issues - tearing has started) I regret not making myself available to spend more quality time with Mom & Dad, in the years before Dad died and I don't want to be making the same mistakes with Mom.
...regret stinks...

[hug]
[User Picture Icon]
From:evilcreamsicle
Date:February 13th, 2007 02:46 pm (UTC)
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"Regret for time wasted can become a power for good in the time that remains, if we will only stop the waste and the idle, useless regretting. " - Arthur Brisbane
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From:geekbearjeff
Date:February 14th, 2007 01:28 pm (UTC)
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hum, yes.

I am trying to avoid repeating the mistakes of my past...
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From:baddabing70
Date:February 12th, 2007 07:31 pm (UTC)
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I feel the exact same way because my mother is opinionated and judgmental and likes to criticize and if I were to tell her off, I'd feel guilt over it.
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From:geekbearjeff
Date:February 13th, 2007 02:04 pm (UTC)
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Sorry to hear that your Mom causes you pain, I don't know what it is that she is opionated, judgemental and critical about...

I assume that you are living on your own, independent of your Mother, so I would think that you would be able to engage her in a conversation about how what she is saying makes you feel.

Maybe in words like... Mom, when you say 'blah' it makes me feel like 'blah' and that's unpleasant for me, I would appreciate it if you would stop saying things like that. etc.

Something I learned is that I need to get rid of most of the anger/guilt/whatever that the interaction generates, before responding to the person, so that I know that they are hearing my words, hearing my feelings that came up during the unpleasant interaction.

I have learned that for the other person to be able to hear that I don't like what they just said, for example, I need to quietly tell that what *I* was feeling and why it makes *ME* feel bad and then, maybe, *ASK* them to consider not doing it in the future.

I have learned that expressing the anger/other strong enotion I'm feeling about a particular interaction, does nothing to help the other person understand what I am feeling, it only feeds and prolongs the unpleasant interaction.

I hope that I have been able to help in some small way...

Jeff's GeekBearCave on LJ

[no user serviceable parts inside.]